Cool Cucumber

For some strange reason I’ve been thinking of this verse tonight (as I ironed, no less):

Micah 6:8: ‘He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you, but to do justice, and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.’

Justice, mercy, humility. Very cool.

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My brother and me with our mom. I liked this photo and wanted to post it, so I asked him if he would mind me posting it. His reply? “Only if I look good!” Silly baby brother of mine…

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They suck. Endings to great vacations, endings to excellent books, but endings to relationships- these are the worst. These are hard endings; there’s a blunt, sharp end left. Where you’re sitting on the couch watching the Emmy Awards and then, 2 hours later, you’re driving home for the last time thinking, ‘What just happened in that small space of time?’. I’m teary because I didn’t want to let it go. I had so many good memories and experiences with him and I know with certainty that I won’t be seeing him like that again. Endings are difficult to see beyond. They blind us a bit to the future, like fog, giving less than a foot of view at a time.

I can see very clearly right now into the past year; I remember every detail and every important event between the two of us but I cannot see past this week for myself. That frightens me to death.

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Ah, I miss my Had. My good buddy whom I met in student government (hence, the uber-cool t-shirts… yes, we’re proud). Unfortunately she’s living on the other side of the country, all married off and with a big-girl accounting job. We such fun the summer of ‘01, living together in the Belcrest apartment (yes, we even shared a room so our other roommate didn’t have to put up with us). I loved the term used for our apartment where people liked to gather: “The Barrel”. I remember Had teaching me to throw a football in the parking lot (Joe: “Guys aren’t attracted to girls who do masculine things like throw footballs.” Both of us: “Joe, you are depraved and we would never ever date you, so don’t you worry about us.” We kept tossing the football.) Had made me drink for the first time, forced me to run with her, showed me how to illegally download songs, and drove me to her small hometown for the 4th. I miss my Had and our late-night Bible studies; that kind of friendship is hard to match.

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We saw this movie today, as well as the Aliens of the Deep film. They were both interesting, but I was more captivated by Aliens of the Deep. Some of my friends commented that the last part of Aliens was fantasy, and it was a little hard to know if what you were seeing was real (it wasn’t). I’ll admit, it was a little odd (I won’t ruin it for everyone by telling what exactly I’m talking about from the last 5 minutes). Anyway, I loved that Aliens was not narrated, as most IMAX films are. The scenes were simply shown to the viewers, and you were left to make connections on your own and draw your own conclusions.

I think it’s somewhat like the inquiry method of teaching, which is something I’m really working on nailing in science class. I try to give the kids guidance, make them wonder and ask questions, help them investigate their own questions, then let them present their findings to their peers. Pretty cool stuff- this is why I’m in education.

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I’m so excited to go see TWO IMAX films tomorrow for free. It’s a teachers’ free day at the IMAX, and two other members of the 4th grade team are going with me. They give you free things like neat-o pens, highlighters, and last time I got little flag post-it notes, and they stuff you with free popcorn and pop also. It’s probably a little amusing to witness how excited I am- enjoy it, blogosphere- because this is sheer joy, and I’m not ashamed. I told a non-teacher friend how I felt like I was being treated like a queen, and she just laughed at me.

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I have a habit of just deciding I want/need something, and then I go out and get it. This has been repeated countless times in my life, but right now it might be life-changing. I might get a dog. See, my family had a beloved German Shepherd who had to be put to sleep this past summer. I have always wanted a dog of my own, and I’ve waited for just the right time/dog. Well, my parents just adopted another Shepherd and now I’ve got the itch too! It’s 11:30 on a Friday night and I’ve been looking at canine rescue web sites and just submitted an application for an 8-week old German Shepherd mix. I feel like a puppy would be hard work, but I’m always home anyway and besides- wouldn’t it be good to get a puppy who could grow up and respect a cat, rather than adopt a middle-aged cat killer Shepherd? I know this is really impulsive, but I have such a desire for a dog to run with, take for car rides, hike with, etc. Some of my best decisions I’ve ever made have been opportunities that just dropped in my lap like this one. I’ll keep everyone posted.

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I had limited amounts of patience with my class today. I have this great spelling program that I have worked really hard to create- so today, for the first time, we were selecting words to use. The kids just were not getting what I was saying- I re-stated the directions about 15 times (and 10 of them managed to finish the task on their own). Thinking back on it now, I can’t figure out why I was so short with them. Frustrate with myself for not giving them enough time in the first place? I don’t know, but I know I was rude to a few of them. One of my best students, a really sweet girl, was near tears, and I tried to ease her worries and be warm but I was so overwhelmed by this “We have to get this done today!” feeling. (The students are not in school tomorrow or Friday, and we had to prepare for next week) I just feel awful. I don’t do this teaching thing for so that I can make good kids feel like they’re incompetent, and I want to be the warm, gentle teacher all the time who gives students confidence.

I think I need to apologize on Monday.

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In the last month and a half, I’ve lost my roommate to her fiancee… they bought a house together and are so happy. It’s been very isolating and reflective and lonely, but I feel like I’m coming out of that fog of living alone and being by myself.

Tonight I met up with 4 of my friends and we went downtown for half price martinis. I love these Monday nights. We end up in fits of laughter, being our silly old selves and usually decide that we need to go dancing all night (usually that doesn’t fly on a Monday, though). For at least 7 years now (I’m very much a “chronology” gal- you’ll hear me reference dates, years, landmarks in time quite often), I’ve yearned for close girl pals. At least half of the boyfriends I’ve ever had endured my melancholy stemming from the fact that I didn’t have those heart/soul connections that I wanted. Has my friendship situation ever been perfect? No, I can’t say that I’ve ever been someone to make friends quickly. I take time. But I think I’m at a good high point now. And I guess today, for the first time, I look back and say I have it. I know that these people are permanant fixtures in my life because I want to see them after Martini Mondays and we meet for coffee before church, we have dinner at a steakhouse because one of us won a crucial bet, we run together in the summer mornings (even if it only lasts for 2 weeks). I feel a little more understood, a little more loved, because of these women.

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I stayed up until past midnight last night, doing things to my new blog. I went to bed and was still thinking about what to write. My 5th grade teacher told us that the most creative time for your brain to think of new ideas was right before or after sleep. When I was in college and had to think of new themes or projects for Activities Board, I would think about it before drifting off. Downside….. I forget the brilliant ideas sometimes because I fall asleep immediately afterward. It figures.

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