I am naturally clumsy. In 7th grade when I was in honor choir, I was kicked out of the elf troupe because I was never going to learn the cute elfling-dance. In high school, I didn’t make it through even one day of cheerleader clinic because I couldn’t keep up with the movements. (My cheerleader dreams died that very day as a result.)

Yesterday, however, was a new high in clumsiness injuries for me. To start, I was teaching science and a darling 4th-grader abruptly stood up, slamming his chair into my left kneecap. “Owwww!” I whined, tears filling my eyes as I tried to shake off the sharp pain shooting up my leg. His eyes were so big and scared as I reassured him, wincing, that I was all right.

Later, I was leaving a restaurant with friends when I decided to take a shortcut to my car in its parking spot. I leapt up onto the wooden planter separating the parking rows… and missed it barely. SLAM! My right shin hit the edge and the rest of me hit the rocks on top of the planter. Even my keychain, which I’d been holding, was broken by the impact. Owww… I edged down from the planter with the hope that no one saw it. No good- my friend’s fiance popped out of his car- “Are you okay…?” (Translation: “How in the world did you do that?”) “Yes,” I replied sheepishly. I limped to my car where I was able to look at my scraped hands and already bruised legs.

Fair readers, there is still one injury left in my day. Last night in a strange sleeping/twitching incident, I startled my cat, who was sleeping WAY too close to me, apparently. I remember startling, but what I really remember was receiving the gash on my arm- the cat got me with her claws, probably in her sleep! Argggghh…